Ted Cruz Watched the Supreme Court Get an Internet Porn Lesson

“I was standing behind the chief justice of the United States and sitting right next to him was the court’s first female justice, Sandra Day O’Connor. We were in front of a large computer screen gazing at explicit, hard-core pornography.”

Damn! Bow chicka-wow-wow! In his new memoir A Time for Truth, excerpted by Politico, GOP presidential candidate and secret Canadian Ted Cruz reminisces about watching freak nasty internet porn with Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor and Chief Justice William Rehnquist. Cruz paints a surprisingly detailed portrait of an incident that occurred decades ago, suggesting that the Supreme Court’s most erotic afternoon remains indelibly seared into his Calgary, Alberta-born brain.

When Cruz clerked for Rehnquist, the Court was considering a case involving the regulation of online porn. According to Cruz, who was then a 26-year-old, the Supremes were woefully ignorant about online porno, so they set up a tutorial to find out how easy it is to surf the web for depraved dick pics.

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For reasons that remain unclear, “cantaloupe” was picked as the gateway to this XXX digital media foray.

“Most of the justices were in their 60s or older. Few knew much or anything about the Internet. So the librarians of the court designed a tutorial for them,” Cruz writes. “I remember standing behind the computer, watching the librarian go to a search engine, turn off the filters, and type in the word cantaloupe, though misspelling it slightly. After she pressed “return,” a slew of hard-core, explicit images showed up on screen.”

“As we watched these graphic pictures fill our screens, wide-eyed, no one said a word,” Cruz continues, recounting the reverent, awe-filled quietude the intimacy of experiencing such graphic content inspired.

Cruz points out that Day O’Connor and Rehnquist used to date, noting that Day O’Connor was watching erotica in the presence of her ex-boyfriend. Day O’Connor, Cruz writes, “lowered her head, squinted slightly, and muttered, ‘Oh, my.’”

Sensual!

This is the top of my unfiltered Google search results for “canteloupe” so times seem to have changed since Cruz’s Supreme Court porno lessons.

Ted Cruz Watched the Supreme Court Get an Internet Porn Lesson

[Politico]


Contact the author at kate.knibbs@gizmodo.com.
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Image: AP